NEW YORK (SATIRENEWSSERVICE) -- Yesterday, the General Assembly of the United Nations voted 190 to 4 with one abstention in favor of an Egyptian and Jordanian sponsored resolution that commends Israel's "disproportionately restrained responses in opposing decades of terror, deadly provocation and military assaults." The resolution also condemns Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran for committing mass-murder against Jews and large-scale felony-murder against Arabs.
In a separate motion, the world body also passed a non-binding "sense of the UN" resolution expressing disapproval of CNN, the BBC, al Jazeera and several other media organizations "whose disproportionate emphasis in favor of terror groups substantially contributes to their ability to make civilians into sacrificial cannon fodder."
UN Secretary General Kofi Anan strongly endorsed the resolutions explaining, "These resolutions reverse years of UN appeasement of aggressive terrorists and bring the actions of the UN into concert with its purpose and charter.
Anan continued: "Since at least 1966, we have stood by while well-armed terror groups like Hamas, Hezbollah and the old PLO have used civilians as ammunition, hostages and human armor in their attempts to murder citizens of a member state. In the meantime, we have held Israel to an almost impossibly high standard of action in the face of these genocidal activities. Needless to say, both of these positions violate the core principles of the UN Charter. These resolutions are a small step toward correcting decades of error."
Palestinian leader Mahmood Abbas concurred. "We have blown up Israelis on busses, in nightclubs and on city streets. We have attempted to destroy their country by military attacks and terror. We have kidnapped and tortured them. We have educated our children to hate the residents of our finest neighbor, and worse, sent those same children to kill the people who should be our best friends."
Abbas continued: "All of our acts have been counterproductive and have led to the current disaster. If we had used our energy these past four decades to create prosperity, we would be as rich as Singapore. Instead, terror organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah bring us death and destruction by causing naive Arab civilians to bear the brunt of their -- and our -- hatefulness."
Egyptian UN ambassador, Dr. Shalid Muhammed Fedaya, said, "Most countries faced with forty years of constant attacks by enemies bent on their complete destruction would never have returned vast tracts of land in return for paper promises. But Israel," he said, "is different. The fact that Israel trusted Egypt is the greatest compliment ever made to my most ancient country -- it is a trust we will attempt to live up to for all time by maintaining friendly and warm relations."
The Islamic University of Cairo, long considered the premier interpreter of classical Islam, also issued a statement which read in part: "For the past hundred years, we Muslims have deprived the Jewish residents of the Palestinian area and then, after 1948, the citizens of the great nation of Israel, the basic courtesies required by Arab tradition and the best parts of our Islamic heritage. Instead, we have made ourselves pariahs among the nations. The introduction of this resolution by leading Arab states reasserts that part of Islam that teaches welcoming and caring for strangers in our midst and tolerance and respect for persons of different religions."
The General Assembly debate, while a formality due to the overwhelming international support for the popular resolutions, was marred by contentious communiqués from the ambassadors of Iran, Syria and France.
Pierre Cochin, the French ambassador, stated: "This reversal of hundreds of uniformly harsh and critical resolutions against Israel during the past fifty years makes the UN -- and each of us -- seem petulant, childish, narcissistic and whiny. These are certainly not attributes one usually associates with France!"
"The lone abstention was by the People's Republic of North Korea whose leader, Kim Jong Il, issued the following statement: "I respect you frequently oh metallic serpentine abominable?"
Bill Smith is a lawyer and writer in California.