TCS Daily

Jimmy Carter Wins Fifth Hokum!

By William S. Smith - December 21, 2006 12:00 AM

HOLLYWOOD (SatireNewsService) -- The Academy of World Political Humor Arts and Letters (AWPHAL) today awarded comedian Jimmy (James Earl) Carter the 2006 Hokum as the year's finest political comedian. Carter's record shattering fifth Hokum came against stiff competition from a highly regarded group of nominees.

In a statement accompanying the announcement of the award, Edith Steingehirn, President of the Academy, said, "what Jimmy Carter has accomplished with his book Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was both comically brilliant and extraordinarily difficult. It has been an axiom of the Academy that present-day Islamic-Jihadist culture is quite beyond parody. After all, a society that teaches its children to kill with explosives strapped to their little bodies, which executes women because they have been raped and which promises young men a brothel in heaven if they commit suicide in a certain way has gone far past the most sublime exaggeration. Attempting to caricature such a culture has generally been thought to be both pointless and impossible."

Fellow comedian and dual-Hokum winner Bill Clinton explained, "Carter was taking a big risk by entering the Middle-East Inanity comedy genre. This field has been dominated by second rate-comedians such as Yassar Arafat, the 'Assad Family Comedy Act', the 'Saudi Royal Family Variety Revue' and members of the Sayyid Qutb vaudeville school. Not well known in the United States, these comedians have long been famous for using the same punch line for every joke, 'The Jews did it.' Jimmy Carter has adapted that cut-rate comic trope to his own side-splitting style."

Steingehirn continued: "Carter's particular comic insight in Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was to deliberately reverse the moral standing of the characters. Israel, the only functioning, free democracy in the region becomes, in Carter's hilarious upside-down worldview, the pariah state. The societies that practice genuine sexual, religious and ethnic apartheid - not to mention corruption and terrorism on an unimaginable scale - are characterized by Carter as victims! This is comic genius of a very high order."

Carter's comic career is a story of almost continuous success since he burst on the political scene in the mid-1970s playing a clownish U.S. President while actually holding the office. These sustained performances earned him four consecutive Hokum awards. This unprecedented record has stood the test of time. No other individual comic has been awarded more than two Hokums during an entire career (though an organization, the United Nations, through its various committees and "peacekeeping" efforts has won seventeen Hokums). The only two-time individual winners include Richard Nixon, Herbert Hoover, Joe McCarthy, Neville Chamberlain, Bill Clinton, Kofi Annan and Jacques Chirac.

More recently, Carter has enjoyed success in his long-running, one-man variety show "Jimmy Carter, a Farce to be Reckoned With," in which he plays a completely flummoxed, self-aggrandizing, tyrant-supporting busy-body whose foundation takes money from - and acts as a shill for - a bevy of Middle Eastern and Latin American dictators.

Last year's winner and this year's first runner-up, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, expressed both gratitude to Carter for helping his career and dismay at his second place finish in the Academy vote. "I acknowledge Jimmy Carter's indispensable role in the creation of the long-running Mad Mullah's Murder, Mayhem and Misogyny Madcap (which won a Hokum in 1989 with its fatwa against Salman Rushdie) which gave me my start. But seriously folks, a holocaust denying conference in Tehran, Iran - attended by people who style themselves as serious scholars - isn't that one of the great comedic events in history. I even got Reuters to describe David Duke as an 'academic'!

Ahmadinejad's agent, the Ayatollah Khatami, himself a brilliant comedian (see TCS Daily - The Angina Monologues) said, "The Holocaust symposium is a burlesque that has only been approached by the United Nations in 2001 with its Zionism is Racism Conference and by lone, edgy and relatively unknown political comedians such as Noam Chomsky, Jesse Jackson and Cynthia McKinney. To present this year's Hokum to a mere scribbler as opposed to a man who, for the last year, has entertained the entire world, is an outrage. We blame it on the Jews."

Another party complaining about its failure to win the award was the House Republican Leadership. "I believe our willingness to abandon all our principles, give up on all our reform efforts and spend money like drunken Democrats should have been given greater consideration," said Tom Delay, former House Majority Whip and a wonderful comedian in his own right.

As usual, Carter refused to accept or acknowledge the award. "That is one of Jimmy Carter's great strengths as a comedian," said Steingehirn. "He always stays in character as the tedious, buffoonish, self-aggrandizing and sometimes even dangerous know-it-all who is actually willfully uninformed and not really all that bright. Notwithstanding his numerous awards, consistently maintaining this character for over thirty years has been his greatest accomplishment."



More of a man
Jimmy Carter is more of a man than George Bush or any of the neocons and sycophants. Talk about acting dumb in public! Bush wins hands down.

Low tolerance for reality LG
Thanks for demonstrating yet again a profound indifference to morality and reality. Carter defines too large a segment of the Dhimmiecrats unwilling and unable to deal with the realities of the world and believing good is evil and vice versa.

Another article about Carter
Very droll-- I suppose. At least the treatment is more sensitively presented than David Horowitz's offering, charmingly entitled "Jimmy Carter: Jew-Hater, Genocide-Enabler, Liar".

The Israeli fifth column in this country-- Krauthammer, Dershowitz and all the others-- can be relied on to pile on whenever someone calls attention to Israel's inhumane treatment of its victims. Waving the club of antisemitism aloft like some wrathful bolt from heaven, Israel declares itself forever immune from criticism. They alone are without sin or stain-- it's the rest of humanity who are the guilty ones.

Too bad, Jimmy. Rot in hell with the rest of your ilk.

you don't understand, LG is trying out for next years Hookum award

you can always count on roy to try for the flaming anti-semite Hookum category.
However, to have any chance, you are going to have drop the trite, Israeli fifth column lines, and try to think of something original. Maybe eric can help.

At least you could have fisked it
Did you read the book?

Give me a break
Carter was a naive loser who brought us 17% interest rates, gas lines, inflation, the misery index, the Iran Hostages and gave away the Panama Canal. The man was a utter failure as a president who had no vision and was willing to apologize to Iran for our past sins and then do nothing while our people were held in our Embassy, a outright act of war. Your definition of "man" is warped. He was a fool.

Yeah, like the Arabs are cute and fuzzy. If Israel only would go away then all the Arabs would be happy little minions. I wonder what would happen if they just left the Jews alone? Funny how neolibs are all about tolerance and diversity except when it comes to Jews (and Christians of late). Then pull out the axe and off with the heads. I think it is called Anti-Semite?

according to the (now) former director of the Carter Center
The book is full of lies, half truths, and outright inventions.

Do you have a link?

That's a good article
Check this one out as well.

Dershowitz pretty much nails Carter to the wall. Give me your take on his piece.

I can understand your love of Jimmy. You are two ships unencumbered by a moral anchor and have a willful misunderstanding of the history of Israel. You prove that here daily and Carter put his stupidity down in book form. For you it doesn't matter that his "facts" have no basis in reality or that those who have stood by his other disasterous policies and opinions are jumping ship left and right. Let's just blame it on the Jewish conspiracy.

Israel is not exempt from being held accountable for abuses of power or military might but the accusations should be confirmed and have some actual basis in reality. Last summer was a good example of your willingness to swallow whatever propaganda is fed you.

I wish you had the same standards for Hezbollah and Hamas that you do for the IDF. You have no end of excuses for those who use children as weapons, kill their own people more than the IDF, target innocents, and promote hatred.


My opinion: Carter is a good man, was a lousy president, and is easily fooled by truly evil men with titles. His effort to bring peace between Egypt and Israel is heroic, however, his belief that Arafat was sincere in wanting peace with Israel bring us to exactly where we are today. Never, never, never, negotiate with criminal murdering terrorists. Place at least a .223 inch hole through the brain-bucket.

Never trite
I thought it was pretty good. Calling them the Israeli lobby somehow doesn't seem to do justice to the way they unerringly swiftboat the slightest criticism of Israel.

Their operatives are constantly on the move, ferreting out dissent and bringing it down in flames.

Yes, antisemitism of course
The Arabs don't have to be cute and fuzzy. The Israelis have stolen their land. And they are still in the process of stealing more of it. Steadfastly we're being convinced to think it's tasteless to object to this.

If American support were terminated, Israel would have to sink or swim on the basis of how popular they had made themselves with their subject peoples.

BTW neoliberal doesn't mean what you think it means. Look it up.

roy's paranoia grows by the hour
swiftboat the slightest criticism.

roy, actually believes that criticism of Israel is not allowed in this country.

and he can't get over his hangup on the how the swiftboat veterans told the truth about his hero JFK.

more lies from roy, the master of lies
The Israeli's haven't stolen anyone's land.
nor do they have any subject people's.

But roy already knows that. Truth doesn't serve his intersts, so he wallows in his lies.

It was in the news for days
St. Jimmy even had to tell some more lies to try and cover up his embarrasment.

Neolibs and such
I know what it means, I just coin it because I hate the term neocon so much. It is a stupid term and I am mocking it. As to stealing land didn't the UN have anything to do with this? I still ask the question, what if the Arabs left them alone? They never have and never will because they only know how to hate. Also, for that matter, everyones land was stolen at one time or another. So how many generations must pass before people get a life and move on?

no evidence that Carter is, or was a good man
One of his advisors reports that in 1976, when confronted with evidence that Jews were not supporting his candicacy, his response was, "screw the Jews, they won't vote for us anyway".

Jimmy is a hatefilled never been. He can't get over the fact that the country rejected him, and invents ever more outlandish conspiracy theories to explain away his losses.

Like Chavez is a saint and Social Security is a well run agency but private investments are all eaten up by fees.

I suppose I admire his desire to be a do-gooder, i.e. Habitat for Humanity, however, like most guilt-ridden rich, white kids, he is easily duped by the global victimization industry. He was unpopular as a Naval officer and garnered little respect as skipper during his short command of a nuclear sub. As a former sailor, that tells me much about his character. No faith in his capability of doing the right thing. A comical irony -- Bush gets a lot of "what a dufus" criticism for his pronounciation of "nukular". Hell, Carter was a nuclear physicist and pronounces the word "nukular". Funny. I do think he is bitter and I do think that his limp response to Iran emboldened islamic terrorism against the west. He attempts to deflect this reality by blaming others for not appeasing our enemies. Carter is now reaping the true nature of free speech -- free speech is very revealing and Carter has revealed himself, yet again.

The abominable message of RB
'Abandon your friends to certain death.' Regarding stolen lands -- Bean, allow me an allegory: It's likely that your ancestors stole my ancestors' lands, where we lived for thousands of years. Give it back to me. I want your house and the land it sits on and everything that you've sweated and bled for. Give it back to me now or I start lobbing arrows and spears through your window while your family is eating supper. Go back to where your ancestors came from and take that land back from whoever is occupying it now. That's your problem, you are my problem.
As soon as you give me your land, I will then give it to an Israeli family that escaped your wishful and contemptible Holocaust (the Second Act). They deserve it more than you.

Awful President
Carter continues to be a joke to anyone with more than 2 working brain cells! If there ever was a President that deserves to be the butt of a joke it is Jimma.

Well done!

Commissar Roy hosts the Duranty News Hour
Too true Mark. Roy's mental balance has always been questionable, I guess this is what comes from exploiting poor immigrant workers and threatening to kill your enemies in their sleep.

Poor Kerry, one wonders how Roy can hate Jews so and defend Kerry the pretend Irishman. But then again anyone who can survive three wounds without having to use the taxpayer's money by going to a hospital must be a superman or something. My guess is Kerry is something that the Swiftboat veterans alluded to.

Jewish property stolen
Throughout the centuries how much Jewish property was stolen?

Is that why many Jews began trading diamonds, easy to carry when being run out of a country, and into themselves, professional education like medicine, law and science?

Did the peanut king ever command a nuke?
I was under the impression he was on a nuke. not that he ever commanded one. Carter is a bad joke. But its a toss up of whether Carter or Clinton deserve the title as worst. I think Clinton will edge Carter out simply because he was elected to two terms and was able to do more damage because of this.

Less than a rabbit
Carter's entire career can be summed up by his valiant defense against a man eating rabbit. Who can ever forget his bravery and presence of mind?

Excellent point
Yes, this is a great point. How many billions of Jewish wealth was stolen during WW2?

Theft doesn't justify theft
If Roy claims Jews stole land from Arabs, and if he is not anti-Jewish, he should also condemn the theft of property from millions of Jews over the centuries and seek remedies to return what rightfully belongs to them.

Including the property they were forced to leave in Arab countries.

I was at USNA in '79
And many were very disappointed at his performance as CiC.

I don't think he ever commanded a submarine.

Live and let live
Perhaps would all do well is they just left each other alone. I get annoyed at this continual argument about the poor Arabs. OK, they had Israel forced upon them. I was not even alive then but it seems to me that after 60 years they need to get over it and attempt to at least co-exist. You see, that is the one thing they have never tried. Never. It is all sort of sensless now. They are even fighting amongst themselves. There will never be peace even is Israel left tomorrow. Conflict in the Mid East is as old as time itself.

Kerry is what?
I think without the Swiftboats one can surmise that Kerry is a pretty much a self promoting egomaniac uses people for self gain. I have no use for the man. What continually amazes me is the useless windbags Boston and Mass re-elect without question. Odd that the center of the nations founding would be populated by people that dumbfound my comprehension. Can we say Big Dig anyone?

Minor Correction: Not a former fool.
"He was a fool."

I'm sure you mean IS a fool, however fools don't prostitute the status of their former office-doing it willingly, for money to led "credibility" to the likes of Hugo Chavez (shut up Roy, we've heard your paucious defense of the SOB) makes him a traitor.

Make no mistake, this guy is a lot more David Duke than a cross between Mr. Rogers and Jim Bob Walton.

Roy must've found some soulmates among...
The Association of Past Grand Wizards...

Massachusetts Morons (some in NY)
Oh Camelot.. Swoon..

We threw tea in the BOSTON harbor to rid ourselves of unaccountable hereditary power-and they keep voting in the most arrogant jerks in the world.

Case in point: with nothing more than a Kennedy surname the ga-ga machine was seriously promoting the idea of Jr's future presidency until he killed himself and two others through aviatic negligence.

Nary a peep about the ridicuolous waste of taxpayer money involved in using Naval warships to fish him and his victims fromn the drink.

How can you expect such people to be reasonable.

Guess they won't promote Caroline, now that's part of the Shlossbergs- being part of some zionist cabal.

Those annoying facts
I see that facts are extraneous to your argument. Yes, it may be that the Venezuelan economy is doing better under Chavez than it has done under his last six or seven predecessors. But that doesn't matter-- because the man is EVIL! EVIL, I tell you.

And it doesn't matter that Social Security administers the moneys in its trust accurately for fees totalling less than one percent. It's EVIL! EVIL, I tell you.

It's all the more enraging that such facts are true. They just make you want to go out and break something. They're enough to make a man very ANGRY.

Justice delayed
" what if the Arabs left them alone?"

Leave them alone? The Arabs were driven from their homes to make room for Israel. They are still waiting to come back. 650,000 people were driven from Palestine in 1948 so that Israel could be born from it. Then more were driven from their homes in 1967. And today, yet more are being driven from their homes so that a Great Wall can be built between one Palestinain and another.

You cant leave someone alone when they follow you.

"Also, for that matter, everyones land was stolen at one time or another. So how many generations must pass before people get a life and move on?"

If you steal something from me I will follow you until you give it back. And if I can't take it, my children will follow your children until they give it back. And so forth til the end of time. Eventually, you will give it back.

Stealing from strangers
"Throughout the centuries how much Jewish property was stolen?"

Was any of this property stolen by Palestinians? Does this justify then stealing from strangers, to make up for what someone may have stolen from your ancestors long ago?

You had better go back and read your Bible.

Your analogy is tortured
My ancestors stole nothing from your ancestors. But the Zionists did steal what is now called Israel from the original occupants, in 1948. They want it back. And it looks like they're not going away.

White Americans stole the Cherokee lands back in the early 1800s. There aren't many Cherokee, so they can't credibly demand those lands back. But there are a great many Palestinians. Their demands will one day be met-- as soon as they get their act together and act in concert.

Recall the motto of the Texas Rangers: "Little man'll whup a big one every time-- if he's in the right and keeps on coming."

The Old Testament says eye for an eye.
"Name: marjon
Subject: Theft doesn't justify theft
Date/Time: 21 Dec 2006, 2:28 PM

If Roy claims Jews stole land from Arabs, and if he is not anti-Jewish, he should also condemn the theft of property from millions of Jews over the centuries and seek remedies to return what rightfully belongs to them.

Including the property they were forced to leave in Arab countries."

So IF the Jews are stealing, they are taking back what was theirs.

No man you are wrong
Sorry, I think your assessment of SSI is totally accurate. It is irrelevant because I think it should be privatized. The government is not there to plan for my retirement and the RTI for SSI is less than I can get from private investment. I don't care if they are as honest as the wind driven snow, I want to plan my own finances and I can do better than them. Are you not taking my freedoms by doing so? As to Chavez, well it remains to be seen. I think he has made some very stupid comments. Regardless of his opinions the USA is a huge trading block and it seems good business to bite the tongue. I do the same. Long term, I think he will fail because I think free market economies do best. If you are willing to have high unemployment in exchange for a social welfare state (AKA Germany) then fine. I for one am not. You need to remember. I am very well educated in marketable skills and have never been unemployed. Regardless of the policies of the almighty state I will be fine. I am thinking of those that will not have the opportunity to succeed, and fail, because equality is shared misery, not shared success. To truly succeed you must also be able to fail. Hence the risk society. Americans are about risk and freedom, not the nanny state.

Hence the age old strife. You cannot forget. Carthage was decimated by Rome; I guess I better kill some Italians huh?

Maybe if the Palestinians learned to try to co-exist then Israel would lighten up and all could be happy? Nahhh, let simply kill Jews. You sound like that black dude who wants to kill all the whites. The UN giveth and the UN taketh away?

Pick your UN resolutions
Liberals continue to expect the USA and Israel to abide by UN mandates.

Why don't they insist the Palesitinians abide by the UN mandate which created the state of Palestine?

"If you steal something from me I will follow you until you give it back. And if I can't take it, my children will follow your children until they give it back. And so forth til the end of time. Eventually, you will give it back."

The children of Masada have returned. How far back do you want to go? Do you expect to go back to when Joshua drove out the Canaanites?

"The Canaanites (Hebrew: ??????, Standard Hebrew Knaanim, Tiberian Hebrew K?na‘anîm) are said to have been one of seven regional ethnic divisions or "nations" driven out before the Israelites. Specifically, the other nations include the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites (Deuteronomy 7:1)."

Based upon this map, and your philosophy, Israel should take more land.

This Cherokee is still around and you're still on my land...
but, I'm happy where I am too. I wouldn't want to give the land that I live on back to the Athabascan that I took it from either. Don't count on old sayings to save your ass. Them's just words.

Say, don't you believe in United Nation charters for self-governing territories? Where did Israel come from? Like our own, born of war.

Speaking of your Bible
I think you need a review as well. Wasn't there mention of the Chosen People and the Promised Land? What was that all about?

maybe I've got this wrong. I remember hearing the disappointment over his command, but I thought it was at sea. BTW, I fenced at the USNA in 1979 ('78?), representing St. Mary's College. The cadets we competed with took us to a Springsteen concert that night! We had a blast!!!! This may have had something to do with me dropping out of college and joing the Corps. The strange turns that life can make....

You mean fact free don't you Nightstalker?
Chavez has done something for Venezuela besides insuring no foreigner will invest there? His program is responsible for the prosperity there rather than worldwide demand for oil? Yes Nightstalker Chavez is responsible for economic prosperity in Venezuela in the same fashion that Clinton demonstrated America's commitment to freedom by sending Elain Gonzalez back to Castro.

Yes imagine collecting monies and charging less than one per centfor administration and pating out less than two per cent at gunpoint, when even the government pays 4 per cent on its long term notes. This is called fraud and if a private business ran its pension funds in this manner its administrators would go to jail.

So we agree that when such facts are true they make a legislature mad enough to exempt themselves while the poor paroles just get to feel taken by their dhimmiecrat slave masters.

Does the Klan accept commissars?
I don't think so. Much more likely the Commissar is a member of the Rosie Club.

Can anyone imagine the Nightstalker being less guilty than the jihaddies?
No I realize I am being silly. How can being an enabler of such filth make you any less guilty then this evil. Its hard to imagine such filth complaining about the Israelis.

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